To be in uniform...

The past two weeks, in terms of my army service, have been quite the experience. Firstly, I finally became the Mashakit (my position) for my soldiers because shir, their old Mashakit was released from the army. Yes, I was excited to finally have my own job, but I was also scared. My Hebrew is great, but it's got a lonnngggg way to go. How was I going to communicate? Especially on the phone when it's a lot harder?

And then we had Holocaust Memoral day, Memorial Day for our soldiers. And Independence day. Three of the most important days of the year. I could write about all of the work we did and all of the activities, but that's not what I want to write about. I want to write about the feeling of belonging, yet being on the outside, the feeling of pride, and remembrance.

On Holocaust Remembrance Day, I had the opportunity to stand in silence for a minute while a siren rang out throughout the country. I had come to this country to serve in the IDF in order to ensure the safety of the Jewish people and the Jewish state. I thought of all of the people who had been alive just over 64 years ago. They didn't have a state to fight for. Now, because of te army, Jews around the world no longer need to be afraid. Because our army is, as David Ben gurion called it, a people's army. We are made up by the people of Israel and the Jewish people and we are here for Jews around the world. So on Holocaust Remembrance Day, that's what I thought about. I remembered those who perished without ever being able to see the Jewish State. And I promised myself that I would educate as many soldiers as possible about the importance of this army and the state.

And that was an emotional experience. Memorial Day and Independence Day had the same effect on me. I could sit and blabber about the Zionism and the pride I feel, but I don't need to explain. Very simply put, I am an Israeli soldier, living in the Jewish state. I speak the language of people, I'm educating about our past and trying to get people to think about the future. Im homesick as anything, and I miss my friends in America more than I ever have in my life, but I still know that this is where my life is supposed to be, and this is where I will try to build a life.

This morning I woke up sad and homesick. Last night I spoke to Maggie on Skype, which opened up the wound of extreme longing for my friends in America. It's these feelings that are the hardest for me. I don't have physical difficulties in the army. An yea, I do sit in an office. But it's still hard. Everyday I have a new challenge. And that's why, even though I have never lost anyone in an Israeli war (thank gd) and even though I felt on the outside on yom hazikaron, those days were important to me, too. Important to help me remember why I'm here.

This morning my host dad was waiting for me outside to take me to the train and I was about to leave when I told myself I needed to bring something with me to put me in a better mood. So, true to my character, I took my Hadaya necklace and put it on. This week, I will wear the map of Israel with the words "אין לי ארץ אחרת״ (I have no other country). Typical and cheesy, but I hope it'll remind me why I'm here.